The Beauty of Identity

UNM (University of New Mexico), Albuquerque,
first semester of my master’s in Cultural Studies

“Let us introduce ourselves”, and the introductions began. I felt a little awkward when my turn came in this Native American Studies’ course, “Politics of Identity”, taught by Professor Lee. I was the only “white” person there, whose last home was Granada, Spain, the very place where Columbus had been given the green light (and huge funds partly taken from the Jews who were expelled from the Kingdom) to go “discover the New World”. Many of my peers introduced themselves in Dineh, in the traditional Navajo way, which gives utmost importance to stating the clans and places one is from. This was my first ‘live’ introduction to what I knew in theory, and it was a good way to show how profound is the connection to the Earth, one of the ‘identity markers’ that would be thoroughly studied during the whole semester. 

Together with this came other markers such as language, food, humor, clans, affiliation, religious ceremonies, but also more controversial or problematic aspects such as enrollment, phenotypes (“looking Native”), rez(ervation) or urban identity, blood quantum, CDIB card (Certificate of Degree of Indian Blood), etc. The first descriptions of the class got me hooked, because Doctor Lee told us that we would be discussing:

-how his students see themselves;

-how powerful is the sense of belonging or lack thereof;

-the importance of one’s real name;

-the importance of the very name given to a people who is represented under an umbrella term when they belong to different cultures and very diverse traditions: Indian, Native American, American Indian, or Indigenous which seems to be the best option even though in New Mexico the “misnomer” Indian has become part of whom many students believe they are now;

-the issue of others saying what one’s identity is;

-why it is important to finally give a space to identity issues in order to understand that the issue per se is a consequence of colonialism, since identity for Native Americans (who simply called themselves ‘the people’ before contact, in all the indigenous languages of this part of the world) was not a concern 500 or 600 years ago;

-the complexity of having to live in between the Western norm of exacerbated individualism and linear thinking vs the traditional, indigenous philosophy of communal sharing and circular thinking (even though this very dichotomy is also more of an adopted attitude through contact with the now dominant, Anglo culture).

These first thoughts enabled us to refine the way identification took place then and now, before and after contact: 

Before Contact, “Then”	After Contact, “Now”
Clan Language Family Ceremony Place of Origin Birth or Adoption Indian name	Socio-economic status of the tribe Blood quantum CDIB Rez or Urban Place defined by boundaries on a map with new, foreign names Anglo or Hispanic name

Another really important factor in the foundation of a person is represented by stories. I started to feel such power when I heard some of the details of the reasons why the students in this class had chosen to be part of it. Some of the comments moved me to tears. Someone said that their goal was to go and teach on the Pine Ridge (Lakota) Reservation, some questioned the common way (but maybe not based on common sense) to present oneself as “half” this, or a “quarter” that, when physically (and I would add spiritually) it cannot be, since our body and soul have to be seen as a whole; some dealt with their mixed origins and how torn they sometimes felt about having to choose only one aspect of their identity; how people close to their heart had to choose disenrollment in order to be able to study and live according to the ways of their other identity through family ties. The whole semester was a beautiful space for sharing and learning, but the best part was when, going full circle to restore such circle, the students had a chance to introduce themselves again, as their final project for the class, after pondering about the different topics they had been discussing and reading. From the bottom of my heart, thanks Professor Lee and also thank you Autumn, Chad, Charlotte, Davin, Debbie, Deborah, Devon, Farrah, Hallie, Hezhi, Kyle, Leatricia, Melodie, Natalia, Nathan, Paulene, Rosie, Shawna, Tiayra for this gift of who my peers are, persons who bear several other names such as Mescalero Apache, Navajo, Pueblo, etc., but whose last name is shared by all: (beautiful) Humans. As an auditing student, I would just sit and enjoy the class, but this is my little tribute to the beauty I was given to experience till the very last day of class.

                Beauty came from someone saying that the naming ceremony was a big part of the process of knowing who we are, but first and foremost from the statement according to which “light skin is beautiful” (too) and that there is no more reason to be ashamed of being of mixed ancestry. Mixed ancestry can really be a blessing and lead one to the life purpose of mediation among people and cultures to help bridge the gap. Love for the land and concern for the tremendous contamination of land and water through uranium mining led this young person to decide to fight for the land as a way to connect to her people. 
Beauty came from several “someones” who could not help crying as they remembered their beloved grandparents or parents, all the sacrifice and hard work and love they witnessed, and sometimes also, tears came from some lack of love or the absence of loved ones. 
Beauty came from chameleonic aptitudes of who elegantly said that “if I can call it home, it’s home for me; maybe it can be called ethnic switching...” Sadness also came when fears were shared: fear of being judged for not pronouncing the native language properly or not understanding it, fear of not belonging, fear of seeing frustration in the older people’s eyes who wished their grandchildren were more aware of the traditional ways, but in the end, beauty arose again with this powerful statement: “Who I hope to be, I don’t know. Who I am so far, I still have my core identity, my social identity, my language, my traditions, but above all I know I will still hear my grandma yell at me from the spirit world!”. 
Beauty came from the courage to talk about which membership best defines one before a tribal council, from the concerns about the future if whom we fall in love with can jeopardy our unborn children’s enrollment. 
Beauty also came from sayings by the older generations according to which “the sun should never see us sleeping; running early in the morning will make you strong”… 
Beauty came from the harmonious blending of traditional ways and the ways of the Native American Church, and from the tremendous courage of mothers and grandmothers who pursue their degree and dreams after or while raising a family. 
Beauty came from memories of the past and of how their own mothers or grandmothers, fathers or grandfathers underwent hardship and loss of cultural ties through the boarding school system, although some also underlined the value of learning foreign ways. 
Beauty came from so many family pictures of the presenters when they were little, of their parents, grandparents, siblings, children, cousins and grandchildren, and from the desire to include their furry friends even though it is not supposed to be done if one follows the traditional way, but dogs are still our babies… Alongside, beauty came from the struggle to keep the traditions and cultural values alive among the youngest generations. 
Beauty came from sharing some of the aspects of the rites of passage or puberty rites. 
Beauty came from words such as “I have been so blessed, now it is my turn to pass knowledge”… 
Beauty came from sharing memories of some good laughter when a confused outsider doesn’t get the subtleties of the family ties according to one tradition or the other. 
Beauty came from sharing origin stories and stories of the jingle dress dance, videos of grandmother weavers or brother singers, drawings and other artistic creations of what it means to be oneself. 
Beauty came from the realization that one’s family may be modernized or colonized because of the way festivities like Christmas are celebrated together with more traditional ways of celebrating important moments of the year. 
Beauty came from a tribute to family described as a jigsaw puzzle without which we would not know who we are, even though one’s identity is flexible and not a fixed thing. 
Beauty came from the impact that a drawing or ‘pie metaphor’ could have on a little one told that they were ‘part this’ and ‘part that’, sometimes making the little one feel totally ‘apart’. 
Beauty came from the courage to deconstruct some assumptions and being satisfied at the result stating this beautiful thing: “it’s been rocky getting there but definitely worth it”. 
Beauty came from sharing the Navajo concept of K’eh or clanship and kinship and how it permeates the whole notion of identity. 
Beauty came from reevaluating the old pride of being full blood, stating at the end of the course “does it really matter? It is important to me, but I am not sure that it is so important on a global level, we all belong to this one Earth”. 
Beauty came from recollections of going to pray to the Sun early in the morning. 
Beauty came from recognizing the confusing notions of sharing somehow opposed beliefs but summing it up with a brilliant “Thank God we have Humor”. 
Beauty came from sharing excruciating memories of being called “an apple” (red outside and white inside) by members of one’s own family but still be brave enough as to bite the apple to discover who one is to the core of this beautiful blending. 
Beauty came from daring to utter that it is tough to be discriminated by one’s own people saying nonetheless that “I know who I am and no one can take that away from me”. 
Beauty came from taking with philosophy the fact that a last name made of an adjective and an animal would automatically turn its owner into THE Indian of the (predominantly white) group, being asked tons of questions about other traditions and cultures that are foreign to one. 
Beauty came from the courage to share with us the family drama triggered by the marriage of one’s parents because of different ethnic backgrounds. 
Beauty came from stating that in spite of all, one wants to be a teacher on the rez. 
Beauty came from the affirmation of one’s identity through, also, the process of winning the heart of one’s beloved. 
Beauty came from the courage to overcome one’s fear of going public about one’s life story in which one wonders the reason for being called an ‘urban Indian’, coming up with a nice metaphor that says that “I have two worlds and I’m not too sure of how to combine them, I am a spectator of the film of my life”. 
Beauty came from works of art that represent a tribute to a people’s strength and individual’s loving traits embodied in a graphic way, a striped item that gives power to its holder. 
Beauty came from someone who once had drawn around her hand during one of the earlier sessions and got me fascinated by what was drawn in each finger, and from her presentation in which she stated that "art will help us define ourselves; there are no mistakes in art".

There are no mistakes in art, in sharing, in dialogue, and in being who we are, in all our beautiful complexity. Thank you, my peers, for the gem of what you shared, and I hope I can share here a couple of videos that drew us closer to people who must have felt the love that beamed from each and every one of you as you introduced who you are through family. What I know is that I myself felt somehow part of the big family we built during those days.

Faith 

Weaving the Story of Identity